He'd kill for a state championship

If there's one thing Texans take seriously, it's high school extracurricular events. Remember Wanda Webb Holloway, the erstwhile cheerleader murderer? (That reminds us of another thing Texans take seriously: big hair.) This week, another story from the same file.

Fabian Lewis of Texas City gave himself up to Galveston Independent School District police Monday because he'd made death threats against the district's athletic director and ex-athletic director. Why? Because Ball High's football team was eliminated from the state playoffs, and everyone knows death threats are the proper recourse for that kind of thing. (The little guy on the left, by the way, is the Golden Tor, Ball High's mascot.)

The team was penalized because one of its players didn't meet state residency requirements. The Galveston ISD athletic director, Brent Jaco, reported the violation, so many fans reportedly blamed him for the team's disqualification. But only Lewis took his frustration to the point of threatening to kill Jaco and Sandra Mader, the former athletic director, who apparently had nothing to do with the disqualification.

What's odd about this situation, aside from the obvious, is that Lewis doesn't even have a big stake in Ball High's football program:

The police chief said that Lewis did not have kids going to Ball High and didn't even claim to be a big fan. Lewis indicated that he made the threatening calls after talking to other people who were upset, Smith said, and apparently thought some of them would be making similar calls.

Houstonist can only imagine how red Lewis's face must be. It's kind of like the game we used to play where we'd con someone into saying something embarrassing on the count of three, then we'd drop out just before the moment came — except Houstonist never went to jail for that.

We wonder how long it'll be before this, too, is made into a TV movie. Surely Alan Ball has noticed a golden opportunity being dropped in his lap ...