The -ist List: Holiday events

To Houstonist, one of the most heartwarming books of the holiday season is David Sedaris's Holidays on Ice. Well, it's not exactly what we'd call "heartwarming," but it makes us feel pretty happy, kind of like stealing money from kids. One piece in Sedaris's book is the holiday gem "Santaland Diaries":

I am a thirty-three-year-old man applying for a job as an elf.

I often see people on the streets dressed as objects and handing out leaflets. I tend to avoid leaflets but it breaks my heart to see a grown man dressed as a taco. So, if there is a costume involved, I tend not only to accept the leaflet, but to accept it graciously, saying, "Thank you so much," thinking, You poor, pathetic son of a bitch. I don't know what you have but I hope I never catch it.

If you share our enthusiasm for holiday sarcasm, head down to the Strand Theatre in Galveston, which is marking the season with a stage production of "Santaland Diaries." Tony Salinas plays Crumpet the Elf, Sedaris's alter ego in Macy's holiday department. Crumpet does the things you'd like to do at Christmas, but usually can't because of those pesky social conventions. It's nice to let loose once in a while — or to watch a trained actor do it.

Weekends Dec. 2 through Jan. 1 at the Strand Theatre, 2317 Ship's Mechanic Row in Galveston, 409.763.4591