Swan Lake is back to bait women, bore men

Come Thursday, Houston Ballet will give Houston the chance to dip its hands in Swan Lake — well, sort of. Director Stanton Welch is touting the production as a rare modern/traditional hybrid.

"There's not an ultimate version of Swan Lake that hangs in a museum and everyone comes to see," says Welch. "That's what makes it so exciting to work with today. It's absolutely limitless."

Let’s rack up the differences between previous versions and Welch’s “masterpiece,” according to this story:

Previous productions included many men effeminately prancing in tights. Welch’s version: more men in tights.

Previous productions were more simplistic, less lavish. Welch’s version racked up a $1.6 million total ticket.

A previous production at the Houston Ballet lasted two hours, 20 minutes with an intermission. Welch’s wants you to sit still and bring a cup. His version lasts 20 minutes longer than his forefathers'.

Previous productions had 36 to 43 dancers, whereas Welch’s has more than 50.

Swan Lake can be seen through March 5 at the Wortham Center. If you do the ballet thing and can afford the tickets, which range anywhere from $17 to $150, leave a comment and let us know if you liked the show. Houstonist will undoubtedly spend this weekend in some classless bar somewhere with the other troglodytes, vaguely aware that "ballet" is pronounced without the T.