The -ist List: Gangs that won't get you killed

We're admittedly still sick over this story about a 14-year-old boy allegedly stabbed and beaten to death by a female member of a rival gang, 15, in a Montrose park.

The boy and his friends were attacked with baseball bats, knives and other assorted makeshift weapons over turf at the park. Houstonist wonders if this could have been avoided if only the teens had taken part in gangs that wouldn't get them killed. For example:

1. The ButterCream Gang: In this 1991 Christian film, "gang" members sneak out of their homes at night performing random acts of kindness. Sure this movie didn't win an Oscar that year, but it beats the hell out of being pummeled with a tire iron.

2. The Black Hole Gang: Google's description reads, "Meet the Black Hole Gange, a group of four kids (and their dog, Newton) who are crazy about science." Not crazy enough to stab you in the chest with a knife. Just crazy enough to read up on Albert Einstein.

3. The Woodlands High School baseball team: The Conroe Courier dubbed this year's national No. 1 ranked baseball team, The Woodlands Highlanders, "Gang Green," but we assume that is just a clever editorial headline, rather than an indication they use their baseball bats for evil instead of good.

4. U of Mass' Center for Geometry Analysis Numerics Graphics: The only thing you're in danger of in this group is being bored to death.

5. Kool and the Gang: Nothin' scary about five funk/pop/jazz/r&b players who, according to their Web site, "put on the best funk show of the year" in 2005.