Opinionist: Ask a Dilettante

On Sundays, Houstonist runs opinion pieces relevant to life in Houston. The opinions expressed below are entirely those of the author.

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante.

Dear Dilettante -

My husband’s parents are joining us for Thanksgiving dinner this Thursday. I’d like to serve something spectacular for the meal – his mother is a very cultured woman who has impeccable taste. Any suggestions? I’m really nervous about this.

Hope you can help,
Uptight Wannabe Gourmet

Thanksgiving is a time for friends and family to come together to celebrate each other’s company and the blessings of their lives. You shouldn’t stress yourself out trying to impress someone you will probably never be able to please. That being said, if you really want to knock your mother-in-law’s snotty (probably silk) socks off, may I introduce you to: the turducken. Here’s a recipe for this intriguing centerpiece from Paula “Stick of Butter” Deen. Perhaps when you serve the dish you can tell your in-laws a fantastical tale about the turkey that ate a duck that had just eaten a chicken. When your mother-in-law tells you that a turkey couldn't eat a duck, etc., in that condescending tone of hers, cut her a slice of turducken. She won't know what to say, and you'll have a moment's peace.

Best of luck,
Dilettante

Dear Dilettante,

Are Americans becoming more stupid? I saw on the news this week that people stood in line for days for the new Place Station game. I enjoyed my share of Centipede when I was a kid, but I didn’t sleep outside to play it. What gives?

Signed,
(I Don’t Have) Pac Man Fever

The game is called PlayStation, not Place Station. Perhaps you were being humorous. Regardless, your comment about people becoming “more stupid” is correct. The decline of our nation’s brainpower can be directly traced to one source – our cars. In-dash navigation systems and vehicles that park themselves have turned our cars, once the symbol of freedom and independence, into just another pacifying, hand-patting, don’t-worry-your-pretty-little-head “convenience” designed to make us unable to run our own lives. If you want to hold on to your gray matter, dump the On Star and buy a key map.

Love,
Dilettante

Dear Dilettante,

Is Shelly Sekula Gibbs crazy or something?

Just wondering,
Confused Houstonian

Yes.

Regards,
Dilettante

Dear Dilettante,

The Who played Toyota Center last night. The men who sang "Hope I die before I get old" decades ago must be pretty old by now.

Rock on,
Keith Moon

You didn't ask a question. However, I was at the show last night and am pleased to say that even though the members of the Who must be in their sixties, they still put on an amazing concert. And, judging by the amount of sagging flesh in the audience, they are not the only people who didn't die before they got old. Perhaps we should update our antiquated idea of what makes someone old - if you can still run around on stage in tight trousers and wail on the guitar, you're not "old," regardless of your chronological age.

Peace,
Dilettante

Photo: flickr user eschipul.

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