Opinionist: Ask a Dilettante

On Sundays, Houstonist runs opinion pieces relevant to life in Houston. The opinions expressed below are entirely those of the author.

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante.

Dilettante,
One of my coworkers insists on pouncing on me first thing Monday morning, before I’ve had a chance to grab some coffee or even sit at my desk, to ask me how my weekend was. I think she just wants me to ask about hers. I don't care about her weekend, and I find her weekly interrogation unsettling. This same coworker has organized a very complex Secret Santa gift exchange that has required more time and effort than Christmas shopping for my entire family. I’m near my breaking point and fear that I will do something rash. Any suggestions?
Please Help,
On The Edge

Dear On the Edge –
A swift bop on the nose and a strong “NO” should take care of it. You’ll have to be careful to not really hurt her – you just want to stun her. This has worked on my dog for years, and it should take care of your problem (even though I’m sure your coworker is a cat person).
Best of luck,
Dilettante
PS – you should probably clear out any personal files on your computer just in case she’s a complainer.

DD,
Did you hear silicone breast implants are back? That’s good news for Houston, right?
Excitedly,
Woo Hoo

Woo Hoo,
I suppose it’s good news if another flood like Tropical Storm Allison blows in. Those things float, right?
Apathetically,
Dilettante

Dear “Dilettante,”
I looked up the word “dilettante.” Isn’t it an insult? Why do you call yourself that? Do you have self-esteem issues?
Signed,
Confused

Dear Confused,
This question has come up not infrequently from Houstonist’s eleven readers, so it’s time to explain. The whole concept of an “advice” column is ludicrous. A person writes a half-page letter bitching about some complicated personal issue or more global problem, and the columnist then responds with terse analysis of the situation. As if that’s all there is to it. Isn’t that a little condescending? Aren’t most issues just a bit more complex than that? But, advice columns are fun to read. There’s a vicarious thrill in hearing about someone’s cross-dressing husband. There’s a sense of community gained in knowing that you are not the only person completely put off by the Overstock.com woman. There’s an opportunity to reflect on the fact that you, too, have a sneaking suspicion that your boyfriend isn’t really taking the male birth control pill.

Thus, Ask a Dilettante. By stating that the columnist is, at best, a dabbler (jack of all trades, master of none), there’s no need to worry that someone is going to take any of this too seriously. Unless they want to. Which is fine with the dilettante. Feel free to submit your questions, comments, concerns to crystal (at) houstonist (dot) com.
Regards,
Dilettante

Photo: flickr user ChrisFLinton.

Have an opinion you'd like to share? Drop us a line at opinion (at) houstonist (dot) com.