Houstonist Bites: Christian's Totem

Houstonist recently lunched at Christian's Totem on Washington Avenue, near I-10. In the spirit of passing along "burger-love" to Houstonians, we had to tell you about this little joint. It has undergone some remodeling of late, but, the burgers are just the same! Huge, juicy fully-loaded burgers with nice crispy onion rings or fries. We've had both the fries and the rings, they are fantastic - it just depends on your personal preference - we prefer the rings, as you well know. We had our usual bacon cheeseburger basket with onion rings (and a Diet Dr. Pepper to offset the grease and calories). This is a two-fisted burger, so, if you are feeling all dainty, please ask that the burger be cut in half when you order, if not, you are on your own - hacking at this monster with a knife to make it manageable. Oddly enough, when we asked some friends to join in the burger festival, we had only takers!

The burgers are huge with a half-pound patty and a nice amount of "garden" on top, the juice will run down your hand/arm, if you are not careful. There are paper towels on the table to prevent you from soiling your clothes. Like we said, it's in a state of remodel, but the tables and front counter are much the same, if you've been there before. Clean, kitschy and totally unpretentious, you can just relax and enjoy the feast. The service is walk-up and you get a number which is called when your heart attack in a plastic basket is ready for consumption. Drinks, except the beer, are self-serve, so you can go and fetch yourself some more soda or tea, if you need to. Be prepared for the "burger nazi", she is super nice, rather sassy and expects you to know what the heck you want after waiting in line (it's a burger joint, for the love, it really ought not take that long). The total cost is around eight dollars, we consider this a pretty fair price for a small joint with kick ass burgers. We once bet a co-worker he couldn't eat four burgers, with veggies of choice, in twenty minutes (and keep them down) - can you freaking believe we lost that bet?

Parking can be a challenge during peak service times, as can finding a clean table (by the way - it is "bus your own crap", so be courteous - and make way for the next table of diners). On Wednesday, they have an open mic night and there is some great local talent that comes through, if you like the likes of Tody Castillo, etc.

Bottom Line: These are our current "best burger in Houston", if you haven't, well, you certainly should! The price is reasonable, the burgers are huge, juicy and absolutely delicious. So, scrap that New Year's Resolution to be all "healthy" - if you are like us you barely make it 48 hours past that glass of champagne and booze-addled good intent anyway, and hit the joint for lunch or dinner. Here's what the Texas Burger Guy had to allow (the man is a burger genious!)

Christian's Totem
7340 Washington Avenue
713.864.9744