Houstonist Bartender: High School Party Punch

We know what you're thinking. You've looked at the accompanying photo and have already written off this post as crap. You're wrong.

Liquor stores close at 9 PM. You probably haven't given that much thought except for the occassions when you desparately needed another bottle of Hypnotiq, Jaegermeister or some other item only available at a booze shop. We know the feeling. Try hosting a kegger without a functioning tap only to arrive in front of the liquor store at 9:02 in hopes of picking up a replacement. In a word: we were S.O.L., or were we?

We needed to bridge the gap between the start of the party and the arrival of our buddy's replacement tap. We also needed to cater to the crowd without forking over a lot of bread. Focusing our brain cell on the facts yielded a way out by way of the neighborhood Shady Mart's shelf of Boone's Farm.

You remember Boone's Farm. Maybe you don't. Strawberry Hill ring a bell? No? Not your first drunk? Huh. You must have gone to one of them sophisticated high schools with the daiquiri machine in the cafeteria. We didn't.

We came up on Boone's too sweet imitation fruit flavors and loved every minute of it. But, our compadres were not psyched when we returned to the almost-kegger with our stash.

We know you still doubt us, as our friends did. Start with a small batch.

High School Party Punch

1 bottle Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill
1 bottle Boone's Farm Strawberry Margarita
1 bottle Boone's Farm Strawberry Daiquiri
1 bottle Boone's Farm Fuzzy Navel
1 bottle Boone's Farm Orange Hurricane
1 bottle Boone's Farm Wild Island
1 bottle Boone's Farm Melon Ball
1 bottle Boone's Farm Mango Grove

Measure the Boone's using a 16 ounce Solo cup; portion a flavor by filling the cup up to the first ring inside. Add this portioned amount to an empty 32 ounce Gatorade bottle. Repeat the process until all colors flavors are represented in the mixing bottle.

Blend the ingredients by rocking the bottle back and forth. Be sure to do this gently since Boone's is carbonated else you'll end up with a nice shower.

Pour up a six ounce serving and sip. Good shit, huh? Yeah, we know.

We know you're sophisticated, but mix up a batch of High School Party Punch the next time you need a change of pace or need mass quantities for minimal coin. At only $2.99 per bottle, which we still considered highway robbery, our six liters of apple wine product set us back a relatively small amount but provided enough libation for 20+.

Have a drink we should spread to the masses? Send it along [jason at houstonist dot com], and we just may post it after some extensive testing.

Don't be a dumbass. Drink responsibly or take a cab.

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Photo: flickr user KG 27.