Houstonist has noticed that Craigslisters no longer view Missed Connections as a place to re-connect, but rather as a form of InterWeb-based therapy. More than a few angry folks out there expressed themselves. You people need professional help.
Scott Gertners Friday Night - w4w - 34
You were waiting on my husband and I Friday night, we were sitting at one of the round tables near the main bar. You were dress in all black and had brown hair. You were very sexy and I couldn't keep my eyes off you, My husband caught me checking you out! Hope you read this.Damn, when was someone going to tell us that Scott Gertner had opened Scott Gertner's Friday Night? Houstonist lives in awe of his branding genius.
Josh, omg - sexy, sweet Josh - w4m - 30
Good Lord, Josh... you came into my office today, and it took serious will power NOT to drool. You are a very handsome man... and I imagine you would rock my world. What a lucky wife you have... *sigh* I can't help but wonder what she looks like... gorgeous, I bet. Any chance she's bi? You are the perfect height, esp since I'm 6' tall.Are you talking about the Josh that supposedly looks like Tony Hawk? If so, you need to duke it out with this chick.I imagine your sweet lips on mine... tugging on that full lower lip of yours with my teeth. My body quivers at the mere idea of your hands on me... nevermind the thought of you penetrating me. I get the feeling that I wouldn't be able to breathe. That you'd be so deep inside me, stretch me so far open that I'd have an explosive climax on full penetration... My teeth would meet your shoulder - don't worry, I don't have to leave a mark *wink* - your mouth on my neck....
.... gotta stop. thinking. about you. oh, Josh - what delicious climaxes we could have.
To the creep that lives downstairs - w4m
I'm not lonely. I just have a ton of men and I tactfully choose not to bring them home. Please stop hanging around the stairs when I'm getting home from work, finding lame excuses to talk to me. No, I didn't see American Idol last night. No, I don't find the water pressure too low in my apartment. No, I do not want to come over sometime to try your rhubarb pie.What the hell were y'all thinking? This is serious business for these Missers. Shame on you for making fun of them.P.S. I'm letting the landlord know about your crack habit...and the 10 cats living in your unit.
The secret to not missing connections and a nice heinie follow the jump.
You liked my "Cheeks"? at Valero - w4m - 26
Whomever you were, I hope you know that you sincerely scared the shit out of me. I was trying to pump gas and corral my kid into the car and you pull behind me and say "Hey Mom....nice Cheeks....."."I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it," said Ron Burgundy also known as the tattooed man.So I look a little puzzled and said in a sincerest puzzled tone, "Thanks?". But instead I was thinking..."How mortifying for you to have just broken the ice with 'nice cheeks'"
Then, to top that you wanted to further the conversation, but you first realized what you had just said so you pulled back around to your gas stall to muster up the courage to get out of your car and Thank the Lord my gas tank filled up and I was able to get into the car.
Then you just sat there in your car, so I thought maybe you were going to try and follow me home so I tries to look busy arranging paper straw wrappers in the center of my console while I'm feeling your eyes burning the back of my neck. So finally, After I had the straw wrappers all in order, you give up and start to drive off so I think, great, he's gonna leave, so I turn on my car and then you stop as if to ask yourself whether you should turn around or not.
You were pretty good looking. At the very least average, your car was a sort of boxy looking SUV with a horrible color choice. You know at any point while we were at the store, you could've gotten out of the car to speak to me. But, because of your questionable behavior, you really scared the daylights out of me. Seriously, I didn't even check my mail for fear that you were a stalker. Man, you were at least 30 or so. You can't be that scared of a blonde.
But, at this point, I absolutely have to know. Were you speaking of MY cheeks, MY kids cheeks, or my ass cheeks? I really need to know - it is eating me up inside. I've been complimented on many different things in my life but "Nice cheeks" is certainly original. Let me know. Maybe we can laugh about this together.
don't miss your connection - m4w - 31
I see alot of posts on here about how people met someone and wished they had talked to them and I always wonder why people don't just talk to them. If someone caught your attention chances are they caught yours too so just take a chance sometime. Believe it or not, people met in the old days before the internet in real life! It's not that hard to smile at a stranger and strike up a conversation or smile back when someone smiles at you. come on now :)We've been saying this for years. No one listens.
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Photo: flickr user fd.
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