After an extraordinarily embarrassing event wherein Houstonist unwittingly drove the wrong way down a portion of South Braeswood Boulevard, we decided to thoroughly investigate the nature, goals, and idiosyncrasies of the Braeswood Boulevards. Our results have been quite astonishing and maddening, as these braided hydra-like streets weave, change course, change names, and sometimes suddenly disappear for a portion of their overall path as though it were not no thang at all. Our ultimate aim (besides the furthering of knowledge for knowledge's sake of course) is to better inform our fair readers of this deceitful Janus of a thoroughfare, that others may not have the horror of turning off Main and into certain death by way of an oncoming flood of BMW SUV's barreling back to West University.
Right from the start, South Braeswood enters the world pissing off both traffic and the basic principles of interchange design. A rocky birth at Bissonnet introduces a sloppy mess of noodling lanes seemingly inviting drivers to mess up and veer off completely away from their intended direction. Compare this intersection with the urban-planning catastrophes that are Louisiana roads; perhaps you too will wonder if an engineer from our good neighbors to the east had a hand in this project. (Just try driving around Baton Rouge for twenty seconds and you'll see what we mean.)
So we venture further east, where South Braeswood tacks a bit southwards catch up with Brays Bayou, its patron creek. It continues on the banks (with traffic in two directions), when something magical happens just before Hillcroft: Like a chromosome in a cell undergoing mitosis, the road manages to split in two, creating North Braeswood Boulevard. This new clone quickly flies away to the north bank of Brays Bayou, and the two bidirectional and parallel sister streets go on straddling the muddy waters until they hit 610.
At this point, if you were on South Braeswood and planning on continuing east on the road, well, surprise! The road you were on has just vanished, and now you're on the South Loop frontage road, trapped. Good luck with that! Meanwhile North Braeswood seems to survive just fine without its counterpart.
You need not mourn the loss of one of the streets for long, however. In a manner similar to Superman's confusing return from death, North Braeswood inexplicably becomes South Braeswood after a dog-leg bend in the bayou underneath. At this point, we've got one vanished road back, but now the previously existing one has quickly ceased to be. So how will this new ontological conflict be resolved, exactly?
Booyah! Out of nowhere, Beechnut steps in and assumes the identity of North Braeswood, of course. A balance is thus regained, and the twins continue on normally for a bit. But indeed, what is "normal" on these boulevards? Never complacent with the straightforward or predictable, South Braeswood then decides to become a one-way street at Kirby Drive. One can now only travel east on Braeswood South. A new disturbance has now been created, and the North, sensing jealousy across the banks, quickly decides to sacrifice part of itself. Like a chivalrous knight, the northern boulevard becomes one-way by choice, jettisoning its own eastness and sending it across to the South. For this short length they are now complementarily one-way, arranged in 2-fold rotational symmetry around a point in the bayou. They stay this way through the intersection at Main Street, and it is precisely on this block where drivers should be aware that these sections of the Braeswoods are not bidirectional, lest a lucky lost motorist pull a Houstonist and attempt to go westbound on South Braeswood. In our defense, these unidirectional conditions only exist for about 500 feet along the several miles of the entire length of the Braeswoods, but still, our bad.
At North Stadium Drive, the North Braeswood at last listens to reason and decidedly merges back into South Braeswood, bringing a long-awaited sense of logic to the entire Braeswood project. Thanks for taking one for the team, North Braeswood--you will not be forgotten. Finally at Bertner Avenue, the remaining boulevard loses the superfluous southness in its name; a singular, logical Braeswood seems to appear at last.
It is too little too late, however, for upon reaching true reasonableness, Braeswood Boulevard quickly ceases to be and the road becomes North MacGregor Drive on the north side of Holcombe. Winding off towards 288, this street begins its own troubled series of crises waiting to ensnare naive drivers. But that, friends, is a saga of its own for another day.
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Photos from Google Maps
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