Whatever You Say: Roger on 60 Minutes

For once, there's a reason to watch 60 Minutes beyond Andy Rooney's senile rants. Everyone's favorite hometown anti-hero, Roger Clemens, will be featured on Sunday's episode of the ABC news magazine, talking with his personal friend Mike Wallace about the steroid use allegations that surfaced as part of the Mitchell Report last month. Ever since the report came out, Clemens has issued a series of denials, starting with a press release, working up to a YouTube video, and culminating with a softly-lit sit down on prime time tv. Fortunately for those of us with better things to do on a Sunday evening, some of the juicy denial details have already been leaked.

Clemens defends himself by stating the the drugs he got stool pigeon Brian McNamee to inject into his buttocks consisted of vitamin B12 and lidocaine. Since, you know, that's where you're supposed to inject those substances. Rather than pop a Centrum Silver and rub on some Icy Hot, Clemens claims that he received the vitamin and the dental anesthetic in his bum. Nevermind that lidocaine is generally a topical pain killer, and when administered intravenously works only as a response to cardiac arythmia, and the most effective method of B12 intake is orally. Or maybe it wasn't B12 and lidocaine, and it was what McNamee said it was: enough steroids and HGH to give a man the glutes of a thoroughbred and balls the size of Grape Nuts.

Clemens claims raise the troubling specter of why his ass hurt so bad that he needed it anesthetized multiple times over the course of nine years (McNamee first worked with Clemens in Toronto in 1998), not to mention the fact that McNamee's lawyer has threated to sue for libel if Clemens accuses his client of lying. The released partial transcript doesn't say what Clemens' personal feelings about his former trainer are, providing the primary reason for watching the actual show.

We still maintain that the most damning move that Clemens has made so far is hiring Rusty Hardin to defend him; the man could've gotten Johnny Cochran's ghost to do the Chewbacca Defense and he still would've looked less guilty. Clemens' repeated and increasingly idiotic denials only serve to further tarnish his legacy, and cast a shadow over his three years in an Astros uniform. He's drifting dangerously close to perjury and defamation of character charges that could cause him more than a PR black eye. Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while?

Update: Clemens has some more talking to do, actually. He's been asked to testify in front of Congress, along with McNamee, Andy Pettite, and others.
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photo: flickr user presson_on