Houston Rockets: Guys Night Out

You know what they say, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

That certainly seems to be the case for the Houston Rockets.

Local hoops fans will recall that the Rockets’ marketing staff attempted to appeal to the gentler sex a month back through the use of a Ladies Night Out gimmick. Well those wacky folks are at it again, and this time they’re seeking out a few good men.

For the same price as that offered to the women (wasn’t that part of the Equal Rights Amendment?), red-blooded males from all parts of the Bayou City can partake in Guys Night Out at the Toyota Center, as the Rockets take on the Washington Wizards tomorrow evening. But that’s where the similarities cease.

Instead of being treated to commemorative t-shirts (like the ladies), the men will collect souvenir pint glasses. To add to the differences, instead of receiving two regular hot dogs, the chaps will bestowed with two Big Dawg hot dogs. The difference? About twice the meat (you can insert your own joke here). Apparently the Rockets front office doesn’t believe that the women of Houston can eat quite like their gentlemanly counterparts. Now we know that has to be in direct violation of the ERA!

Nevertheless, we feel that the Rockets are not in tune with the men of Houston, just as we previously found that the franchise did not know what women want. Rather than electrocuting ourselves with a hair dryer and a tub filled with water like Mel Gibson did to solve the latter problem, we decided to conduct a telephone survey of our buddies to find out how they could be enticed into making the trek out to the Toyota Center tomorrow night.

From our pal Sam, “Dude, they’re on a 12-game winning streak. I’ve already got tickets to go with some friends! I’m psyched to see the Rockets play tomorrow night. Oh, hey. .. do you wanna go with us?”

From our boy BL, “Guys Night Out? Is that some kind of sexual reference? I’m not interested.” After a brief explanation, our friend sang a different tune. “Oh, the Rockets. Yeah, I was going to go tomorrow night and buy tickets at the box office. You wanna come?” (Oh the irony!)

From our comrade Sean, “I was planning to watch the game on TV because I have to wake up early on Wednesday morning. I’m not missing it for the world!”

So what did we learn from that admittedly small sample size? Besides the fact that 66.7% of our "friends" forgot about us when making plans to see the Rockets tomorrow night, it seems that the men of Houston don’t need a ploy to grab their attention and attract them out to the arena. That, ladies and gentlemen, is where the absurdity of this marketing stunt comes into play. Sure, using a ruse to get more butts in the seats when the Rockets were an afterthought in the Western Conference back in January was one thing. But the hometown heroes currently find themselves in the midst of an epic winning streak and are the hottest team in the NBA. Ultimately, that is all it takes to get the men of Houston to flood the Toyota Center.

It’s a basic tenet that has pervaded sports since the dawn of time. A winning ballclub equals a packed house, and no wiener (no matter how large) will change that. It’s really that simple.

Now what isn’t simple is which buddy we’re going to tag along with to catch tomorrow’s match up!