Don’t go to Citizen Lounge, Houston’s newest nightspot off of Washington.
Don’t support Citizen Lounge by spending your hard earned money for overpriced drinks and cheesy environs (or so we hear).
And most importantly, if you choose not to heed our advice, don’t give up your car keys to the valet in front of Citizen Lounge.
That is, unless you want to take the chance of shattering your self image and self worth in one crushing blow, all the meanwhile paying cold hard cash for the privilege.
You see, last night Houstonist decided to paint the town Rocket red after watching the hometown roundball heroes slay their 18th straight opponent. Having heard about the recent opening of a new lounge in our very own backyard, we decided to saunter over for a few drinks. Big mistake.
After pulling up our automobile to the front of the establishment, we forked over a whopping $8 to have the tall, emaciated valet park our car. Our group then strolled up to the doorman to enter the lounge, only to be denied access.
“Sorry y’all, we have a strict dress code and you’re not meeting it.”
Our entire group looked at each other in bewilderment to identify the culprit of this grave crime to fashion. Within our troupe of partygoers were two lovely young Indian ladies dressed to the nines. Nothing wrong there. Our faction also consisted of a tall and slim Indian man and a shorter Caucasian counterpart, both of whom were dressed in standard “guy attire.” Clad in untucked vertical striped shirts and a pair of stylish blue jeans, everything appeared to be just fine. The last member of our group was an Iranian-American donned in a blue polo shirt, jeans and a jacket.
A ha!
The bouncer stared our Middle Eastern pal up and down for a few seconds and casually proclaimed, “You can’t get in here looking like that.”
When our buddy promised to toss his jacket in the car and to tuck his shirt into his jeans, the doorman gave our entire group the once over. Finally we were told, “Look we’re trying to create a certain standard of appearance here and you’re all just not meeting it.”
Just like that our clan went from being denied access because of one man’s blue polo to the fact that our entire lot didn’t meet some standard of appearance
Puzzling to say the least, no?
While waiting for the valet to pull our car back around after just parking it minutes prior, we stood by the bouncer while we collectively determined our next move for the evening. As we discussed our options, we noticed two young Caucasian men with heads slathered in hair gel, clothed in t-shirts and ripped jeans, nonchalantly amble up to the doormen. We quietly and happily stood by to see another under-dressed group rebuffed with admission, so that we could share our pain with complete and utter strangers. Instead, we were flabbergasted to witness the men walk by the bouncer with nary a raised eyebrow.
Our jaws dropped to the floor in pure astonishment.
The more vocal of the aforementioned lovely young ladies shouted to the bouncer, “So t-shirts and ripped jeans are dressier than polo shirts now?”
The bouncer simply shrugged his shoulders and proceeded to ignore the lady’s assertion.
It was then that we realized that our clothing wasn’t the actual problem. It was the fact that either we weren’t pretty enough as a unit or our group’s collective skin pigmentation wasn’t bright enough to warrant entry.
Either way you slice it, Roxette was plain wrong and we just didn’t have “the look” or the standard of appearance as the oh-so-eloquent bouncer put it.
To add insult to emotional injury, the valet and the doorman both laughed off our demand for a refund for the use of valet services to a lounge that deemed us unsightly.
And just like that Citizen Lounge lost five potential lifelong customers, who all live within walking distance of the new enterprise and were in search of a new drinking establishment to patronize.
Instead, we traveled a few miles down the road to pass away the hours at Kobain, where we knew we could enjoy ourselves without judgment. As we threw back 6am Sunrises we discussed the events that had just unfolded before our very own eyes. We weren’t surprised to learn that every member of our party had experienced such prejudice in the past, especially the Indian and Iranian descendants of our group. Though we’re not fans of throwing around the “race card,” as our conversation continued into the night, we found that this was the common thread that united our group’s various negative bouncer-based experiences in the past.
By no means are we making assumptions as to the reason we were denied entry at Citizen Lounge. Perhaps we’re just not fashion-forward enough to know that t-shirts, in fact, are “dressier” than polo shirts. Perhaps that was the true reason we weren’t allowed to enter the nightspot. However our discussion proved that previous incidents said otherwise. At the end of a rowdy conversation, we all agreed that the only thing we could do was to pass on the word of Citizen Lounge’s behavior – in an effort to negatively impact business to demonstrate that Houstonians are not tolerant of such discriminatory practices, no matter the true definition of the phrase “standard of appearance.”
Or maybe it’s just us. Maybe “the chosen ones” enjoy having a hangout that selectively chooses its patrons. Maybe the rest of “the unchosen ones” have no bone to pick with such practices? Maybe we’re way off base and are severely critical because we’re oversensitive?
Either way, the word is out. Feel free to heed our warnings or to instead give the lounge a whirl for yourself. Whatever you decide to do, just don’t valet your car unless you like taking the chance of flushing eight bucks down the drain while simultaneously being told you’re just not pretty enough.
Where’s Stuart Smalley when we need him?
Photo: flickr user dennyterrio
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