Houston's Missed Connections: Bum Licker

Each week Houstonist checks out the Missed Connections on Craiglist. Here's a few that we found interesting.

Found your phone number... - 36 (west airport)

Found your phone number on the bathroom wall at the shell gas station on the corner of telephone/I-45. We conversed back and forth, and planned to meet at IHOP. I waited all day. I miss hearing your voice, i picture you doing that to me. Please call me back. I am very lonely and need you to call me back. you have my number. i will be waiting at ihop today and tomorrow. I will be heading back to Canada next week.

Dude. You seen American Pie? What you need to do is order the Rooti Tooti Fresh & Fruitee. When it arrives, run to the bathroom and don't forget to bring the boysenberry syrup.

Gorgeous, tall Asian with handcuff purse - m4w (Rice Village)

You: Really tall (5'11 maybe?) and look like a supermodel, long black hair that was curled at the ends, red halter top, fitted jeans, handcuff purse, and walking toward the Village bars while on your cell around 11:15pm Saturday night.

Me: Blonde driver of the white BMW convertible that was being honked at because I almost got into a car accident when I saw you. My friend said you turned around briefly to see what was going on and that he didn't see a ring on your finger. I can't believe someone hasn't snagged you up already! You are stunning!

I am hoping beyond hope that you see this and that you don't have a boyfriend. If you do have a boyfriend, which I suspect you probably do, I would respect that but would still love to meet you for a drink or coffee to get to know you and make a new friend.

A little about me- I'm 34, 6'3", blonde hair, blue eyes, tan with athletic build, work in Downtown, live in Bellaire, and yes, that was my car.

Oh shit! You can afford a BMW all by yourself? Damn. That's awesome. We bet all the fly hoochies, babies mamas and baby mamas mamas are soaking wet about that. Quick: what's 2+2? What fork is placed horizontally at the top of the place setting? Jackass.

Where Is My Sexy Woman? - m4w - 56 (Tx & Ca)

Me: TX; Modesto; Oakland; Pacifica; Redwood City; Turlock; Black w/ 3 children (SM)

U: 1. AL; Antioch; Pacifica; S.F.; Black w/ 3 children (PM)
2. IL; Oakland; TX; Latina w/ 3 children (AS)
3. KS/MO; Antherton; Hayward; Oakland; Palo Alto; S.F.; Black w/ 2 children (JJ)
4. LA; L.A.; Modesto; Oakland; Redwood City; Tahoe; Turlock; Black w/ 3 children (JH)
5. LA; Oakland; Black w/o children (GL)
6. NY; Fremont; Hayward; HI; Richmond; Italian w/ 3 children (RB)

Ten bucks says they're all fighting over who gets to climb into that white BMW convertible in Midtown.

shutter bug - m4w - 47 (N Houston)

Have you ever wanted soft, sensuous photos of yourself for your boyfriend or husband -- or for you? Here is your chance to model your beautiful figure in privacy - for free!

Amatuer local photographer (Houston area) learning my craft and needing attractive women to model for me. No strings, no money involved, no contracts, no internet uploading and NO SEX. Just you modeling while I photograph. You get the hard copies - and we both get what we want.

I am discreet and respect your privacy. I can guarantee your anonymity if you so desire. Only the poses, clothing and settings you feel comfortable with. I am open to all ages, races and body types. The attached pics are not mine but show what I aim for.

Take a chance! Do something bold and daring! Live a little! I look forward to working with you.

By no contract, do you mean that you are going to sell the photos and keep all the green for yourself? Let us know if you find girls dumb enough to do this so that we can warn their parents.

To the 2 Latina 'Hustlers' at Sherlock's Westheimer Last Night... - m4w (All Up in Your Asses)

You two took compromising photos of me last night... Licking you... Licking your ass. We all danced. We drank.

You girls had a sucker, but you need to work on your 'hustle' a bit more. Keep practising cause I will be back to let you 2 try it again. Next time I want to see some definite improvement! You're both f*#king hot so you should be able to pull this sh1t off!

THEN maybe you can BOTH get your assholes licked AND get your bar tab paid....
See you soon puñetas...
Besame mucho

What the? You pay the bar tab before you lick some ho's bung? Bet you eat pieces of shit for breakfast.

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Photo: flickr user fd.