Houston's Best Jukeboxes

So you're out of the town for a night of adult beverages and shennanigans of various and sundry sorts, and you need a soundtrack. To the jukebox! But wait: will you find the right songs to set the mood, or will you find an array of albums seemingly thrown together by a blind chimpanzee with a dart board (or the program director of The Buzz)? Have no fear, as your crack Houstonist staff has pooled their collective intellects and music snobbery into a brief list of machines worthy of your Washingtons and Lincolns.

Before we go any further, though, it's worth commenting on the advent of a technology that (like atomic power or tequila) can be used for ultimate good or ultimate evil. We refer, of course, to the Internet-enabled jukebox. The ability to pull any song out of the ether is an awesome responsibility, and one that the wisest among us must use responsibly. So in our consideration of Internet 'boxes, we'll focus on the albums that are automatically present at a given venue, not the nigh-infinite variety that you have to pony up extra money to hear. Bars choose which albums appear in the regularly-priced section, and as such we'll rank them along with the old-school models.

The runners-up, in no particular order:

Boondocks
This on-the-bend Westheimer dive is one of our long-time faves. The 'box reflects the crowd: grimy punk rubs elbows with classic soul and garage rock to give a backing track that is guaranteed to be as loud and raucous as the bar itself.

The Kelvin Arms
The Rice Village pub that isn't really in the Village does have one of those new-fangled Internet-enabled jobs, but it's stocked with classics ranging from the Dave B's (Bowie, Brubeck and Byrne) to Wilco & Billy Bragg's Mermaid Avenue to the bar rock of Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds. The wide variety allows you to set the mood to taste, from chill to mayhem and anywhere in between.

The Volcano
Wash down a strawberry-basil margarita with the hands-down most eclectic jukebox in town. Tejano, ska, blues, new wave, country, indie rock and soul all co-mingle in perfect harmony. Bonus points are awarded for focusing on local heroes like Little Joe Washington and Lightning Hopkins.

The Harp
This Richmond mainstay has a strong soundsystem that reaches all the way to its expansive porch. Thankfully, its technological terror of a jukebox has the juice to back it up. M.I.A, Queen, Ella Fitzgerald and Franz Ferdinand are among the highlights of the bar-curated menu.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the best music machine in Houston:

La Carafe
C'mon, like the oldest bar in town would have a crappy music selection. Inside the dark halls of this downtown institution, you'll find a machine packed to the gills with goodness. Big band, classic country, 70's singer-songwriters and bluesmen infuse the bar with its Rat Pack grace and Skid Row grime. Music in its highest forms is all about atmosphere, and the jukebox at La Carafe has it in spades.

Now, we'd also be remiss if we didn't hate on a few places. Some jukeboxes are eclectic to the point of schizophrenia, and others baffle you with songs so mundane that you'd be more inclined to doze off than to pump your fist.

The places to avoid (musically):
The Tavern
The Richmond Arms
Hans' Bier Haus

What are your favorites and anti-faves?
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photo: flickr user mama.harmonica