Missed Connections

Each week Houstonist checks out Missed Connections on Craiglist. Here's a few that we found interesting.

You called him midget Dik - m4w - 29 (Humble)

You were at Taco Bell on Sunday afternoon wearing a LV Cashmere sweater and long blond hair with some tight spandex pants. You were with a much older man that Resembled Mr. Rogers , which I thought was your dad but ended up being your boyfriend you kept staring at me and when I sat down you sat doen right across from me, I kept hearing you talking to him calling him names like midget dik and frog lips, you even called him sausage face, you kept degrading him and I think he liked it, especially when you told him if he wants that burrito up his ass like a faggot bitch he is. Anyways y, too make a long story short I really digged you and want to know if you want to go out and do something this weekend. I was the one wearing the bycicle shorts and yellow shirt, and No that wasnt a banana in my pocket I was just excited to see you. : )

Burrito in the tail pipe just doesn't roll of the tongue quite like banana in the tail pipe. You should probably just wait because anyone who's violating Mr. Rogers can't be that cool.

To the fortune hunters looking for attention,

keep on keeping the pigeons cozy in the old underpants, releasing them occasionally to bring you back a few pussy willows to garnish the scrambled eggs you serve yourself each day.

We understand how keeping pigeons in your drawers would make for a cozy situation, but ours always fly off, never to return. Where are you getting your pigeons?

re: White Male Wrking At Potbelly In Sugar Land - w4m - m4w

Lady you seem like a whole lotta woman, and then some and then some more. I almost feel sorry for the guy that he would have to deal with you. I wouldn't want to but then I guess maybe some guys would be happy to have you. Just seems a bit much to me. I mean your post, who would want a woman like that? This guy doesn't really have a chance does he? Men have feelings too think about that.

Don't be a jackass, man. You need to focus on the upside of this situation - free PB&J from Potbelly. Mmmm. Make sure brings home some milk to go with it.

You touched my butt - m4m

I was going to the bathroom. You made the toilet paper that I used. Call me.

Mr. Whipple was in Houston? And, he's gay? Our whole world is unraveling.

You grinded on me and grabbed my crotch at the BAR - m4w - 29 (Woodlands)

You were grinding your ass on me and even grabbed me by my crotch, and said you never had one this huge, you grabbed my hand and put it on your ass and told me if I wanted some of this to follow you home, so I did, but got pulled over by the police for speeding. I didnt get your number and I dont want you to think I bailed on you. By the time the cop let me go you were nowhere to be found. If you want to hook up let me know and we will meet up.

Dumbass.

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Photo: flickr user fd.