Missed Connections

Each week Houstonist checks out Missed Connections on Craiglist. Here's a few that we found interesting.

Explain to me why I'm into you. I'm afraid I don't get it. - w4m - 25 (home for once)

You are royally pissing me off.

First of all, I don't want to be your make out buddy when you don't feel like hanging out with your girlfriend. I know you've only been dating a couple of months... I know that you have no real issue with cheating on her and that's entirely up to you. I don't really care. However, I'm really not that girl and I don't care to be. Either you want to be with her or with someone else. Figure it out.

Secondly, it bothers the crap at me that pretty much everyone at your place of employment is practically hauling their freaking panties at you in hopes that you'll grace them with a spot in your bed. This is not because I'm jealous. It's because it's completely ridiculous. You're hot, but come on! It's retarded and you know it. I know you like it, but you can at least pretend to be modest. Plus, I don't want to come off as one of those pathetic women. I know I'm attractive, but you don't need me to help out with your ego trip. There are a bunch of girls ready and willing to do that for you. I think the whole thing is bad for you anyway... you kind of need to get over yourself a little bit and the orgasmic idiots at your work aren't helping.

Thirdly, stop with the leading questions. If you want to know something, just ASK already. Stop fishing. It will get you no where and you'll just end up disappointed.

Fourthly, why are you acting like you're interested in me? If all the flirting, suggestive comments, asking me to hang out after work (at 3 in the freaking morning) and paying of my bar tabs means that you actually like me then you really should DO something about it rather than just waiting for me to jump back there and molest you. And if (as I suspect) it means nothing at all then cut it out. You're leading me on and it's annoying. Let me off the leash so I can flirt with someone else. If you don't want me, then I want you out of my head, damn it!

Fifthly... and this is the one I really don't get... do you want to be discreet or not? If so, you're doing a terrible job. First, you ask for my number but give me one of those "be quiet about it" gestures. The next day, you write down yours for me... quickly, but not as quietly. Then the NEXT day, as I'm leaving you're YELLING across a room full of people to ask if I'll wait for you so we can make out. Seriously, dude. What is your deal? I wouldn't have waited anyway, but even if I had wanted to originally I certainly would NOT have after you broadcasting it to the Universe. The thing is, I DO want to make out with you... but not at three in the morning in a parking lot. I'm not that easy, dude. Sometimes you have to work for it (unless you take home someone that's doing a little pantie hauling, but like I said, I'm not that girl).

But yes... OK... I like you. CLEARLY against my better judgment, but I do. If you're interested, fine. But if not... Back. The. Fuck. Up.

You have my number.

WOW. So many things are going on: cheating, make-out buddies & coworkers hurling panties. Questions need to be answered like, "Does the douchebag target of this post work at a retail kiosk?" In any case, our brain is scrambled after reading this little diatribe. Sound off in the comments about what you think is going on, who the target is or advice for Little Miss "I Wanna Hook Up With You But I Can't Because I Slipped & Fell Into a Bucket of Pseudo Ethics."

---
Photo: flickr user fd.