Missed Connections

I would've stayed too, and I you know I would've, but you just had to keep throwing your little test's out there, and it came back on you. That's what you feel the worst about right now: not what your actions or what you have done to me especially after knowing what I have been through.

How could you be so cold and tactful to decieve someone? I found the white pen in my truck, just wondering what your true intentions were with it instead of carving out my interior door panel (just like the screwdriver in the trailer). Someone that you have wrote countless, endearing things about on this website? Someone who would've stood in front of a bus for you? Someone who was willing and able to give you the chances you needed to prove yourself? Someone who knew EXACTLY what you were going through and I was stilling willing to be THERE!!!!!

You know, not ONE time in all YOUR posts, did you say-"I'M SORRY". You've said alot of other things other than that but that's the one thing I have been waiting for, just like you were from someone else...

Besides all of this, besides what you are choosing to do with your life and throwing it ALL out there like you are not Loved by the All Mighty, the ONE OF A KIND that you are, the amazing woman that held the hand inside of me-I still Love You with everything that I am. It just seems like it feeds your ego though when people show attention, and that's a turn off-BIG TIME!!!

You want to know what made me turn off? Your lies, plain and simple. Everything you told me was just flattery-and when flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near...

I knew the time you were being real and the time you were running angles, I know I am mysterious, I knew I withold alot, but at the same time you need to know-you would not understand why I am the way I am even if I did tell you all those things you always wanted to know about me, all those questions that remain unanswered in your mind, all those things that I brushed off, all those things that I can not reveal. You meant enough not to tell you those things, and I truly don't want you to have the nightmares I have because of those things...

All I can say is Yes, we did talk about us not being together and what it would be like-and it is truly like that (for me at least, I didn't know you were like this)-what we had was True, what we had was Pure, and what we had was Unique-but you were lying the whole time, so like you said when we got back from Dallas-it was all a lie-well, honey, it was...

But, I know and you know-all of it wasn't, and I know now that its your insecuritites that continue driving you to the behavior that you are deciding to do (your ego more than anything)...just know that I haven't chosen the same path. Whether you believe that or not is your deal but, I have come in contact with others, and I still want them to be you-in every way, shape, form, and most importantly-Fashion.

You are the one that I want on my arm (and you always will be), you are the one I want to write as my Emergency Contact, you are the one I want to fall asleep with, you are the one I want to go the bathroom in the park with, or Chevron, and I am craving Mexico Lindo too.

When you are ready to get real and completly stop playing people just for the rush of deception and what you can get out of them-then we will happen. Manipulation and Lying haven't worked out for you that well in life, don't you think its time to try something New.

The Love you crave and desire for ONLY comes from above. And you will recieve it when you ask for it: its that simple. But you know all of this, you have been given the same tools. You just choose to keep taking shortcuts, and those shortcuts decrease your integrity, thats why even your own family doesn't trust you-which gave me MANY signs.

Forgive those you need to forgive, you will NEVER be able to have ANYONE until you do, I learned to forgive ALOT of people just to get to the point I did with you.

The one source in which my Love that you recieved from me comes from, He wants to give you the same love, and it is yours-you can have it when you want it, you just dont believe that you are worthy of it, and you are...

Please believe me when I say this: you are...

you are...

I know what you are up to, because you remind me so much of myself, I've had to overcome alot of shame, regret, and remorse-and he forgave me for ALL of it!!! I just had to get to the point where I could recieve it and believe that I was truly worthy of it, despite all that I have done (and he saw ALL of it), and he still gave peace, mercy, unconditional forgiveness, but most importanly-His Love.

You are so special to me and I know he sent you in my life for a myriad of purposes, and I have to thank Him for that but it just sucks that you are not in my life, it sucks that we went through what we went through, I wish it was with someone else, I want to see you after all of this (as long as you arent't going to try to stab me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Please know that you aren't getting away with anything, and that's why you continue going around the mountain, choosing what you choose, and dragging SO many people through your decisions...you never really get away with anything, you know?

I Love You and I always will, all other women will be compared to you too...just know that, Ok?

It would be cool for you to respond either via email or post it on this site, either way is cool----it hurt me so much that Your Actions forced me into a corner...please realize this is what YOU chose to do, not me....

Chunkin' The Deuce,

~The Groover