Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. I just saw a commercial for a cereal, I think it was Total, that used a Canned Heat song as the background ditty. It really bothered me for some reason, and I'm not sure why. -- Abbie H., Chicago Though you didn't really ask a question, Abbie, I get your drift. The growing number of 60s rock songs in TV commercials right now...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. I'm all for transportation by bike, but what's up with Houston bikers never observing stop signs and traffic lights? I almost run over and kill a biker every day, and it's always their fault. Maybe we need to add "bikes too!" to the bottom of every traffic sign and signal. -- Ophelia, Houston-upon-Avon Oh, Ophelia. You're missing the real problem with bicyclists: bike...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Can you tell me how they ever sell and/or keep all of that prepared food fresh at Central Market? I have a hard time believing that those stuffed meatballs I see there on Monday are not the same ones I see on Friday. -- Ahn, A Concerned Prepared-food Shopper Perhaps you should quit eyeballing the meatballs on Friday and instead buy some. Don't...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Why do some people talk on the phone when they're walking/jogging at Memorial Park? Can they not go 30 minutes without their cell phone? The jogging trail seems like the one place you should be able to go without hearing cell phones and people's annoying chatter. What can I do to solve this annoyance? -- Eric W., Houston There are a few options...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. [All of today's questions are from "JB" of Houston. Thanks for writing in, JB! As for the other eleven Houstonist readers - I'm still waiting to hear from you.] Who should have control of what we watch on TV at home - my roommate, whose TV it is, or me since I own the house? Assuming your roommate is paying rent and thus...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Ok, why does Mr. Whipple ask me not to squeeze the Charmin, yet he does it himself? Whipplecrites! They really irk me! -- Connelly Wirth, Houston First of all, for anyone born after 1980 or so, here's a link to a couple of Charmin commercials. You will note that once upon a time there was a pencil-thin mustachioed man whose sole purpose at...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. I'm a 32 year-old man, and I've never been in a fight. A real fist fight, with bloody noses and all that. Have I missed out on something, some necessary, primal step in my adolescent development that would have turned me into a he-man? Should I go pick a fight (preferably with a teenage girl or an elderly person)? Would it do any...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. The Chinese obviously hate us: First, they tried to poison our dogs, then our teeth, and now they're after our kids. Does this mean we should be keeping a closer eye on Yao Ming? Or ChineseElvis? --Red Ballsworth, Houston Now that Yao Ming has entered wedded bliss, I don't think he has the time to plot our downfall. Plus, he's been living in...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Don't telemarketers and bill collectors know that the long pause when you answer the phone or the (even worse) "please hold for an important announcement" greeting is just a signal to immediately hang up? They're already inhibited by caller id. Why do they make it even harder on themselves? -- Jeff Balke, Houston A lot of things don't make much sense, Jeff. Why...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. When/where is it ever appropriate/cool to wear a band's t-shirt? Obviously not to their concert, but should you be a certain distance away from where the band is known/popular? I would think the goal would be to evangelize to people who don't know they exist. Also, I have a Phil Collins concert T from the early 90's. How should I destroy it? --Mason...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. How much are you supposed to tip a pizza delivery driver? Assuming you’re ordering only one or two pizzas (and pizza is ALL you’re ordering), $3 to $5 is probably a good estimate. If you ordered out because Houston is experiencing one of its “flood events” and you didn’t want to risk floating down the street in your car, you might consider hooking...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Is that a magic wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Yeah, that innuendo doesn’t really work on chicks. Dilettante will forgive you because I assume you’re caught up in Harry Potter fever. Not to be confused with Welcome Back Kotter fever, which died out years ago. I didn’t know they were still teaching kids how to read,...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. I live in a two bedroom apartment, but I’ve run out of space for all my stuff. Is there a mini-storage facility you could recommend? Unless you're about to go overseas and have to lose the apartment, you don’t need mini-storage. What you do need is to go through your shit. If there are things you can live without long enough to put...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. I’m thinking of buying my first new car, and I’m terrified of the whole process. I just know I’m going to get screwed. Do you have any tips for me? I don’t know what undercoating is! You need two basic items when traveling the murky waters of car buying: education and the ability to walk away. The first one is easy; the second...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Did you see The Police reunion tour at Toyota Center Friday night? I know you like all that old crap. You’re only as old as you feel, sir. And yes, Dilettante saw the show. Sigh. Here’s the deal. The Police broke up before I was old enough to go to concerts. So for the past twenty-something years, I’ve regretted never having seen them...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. What is that bright, shiny yellow orb up in the sky? And why is there a slinky gray thing following me around? The bright, shiny yellow orb is called “the sun.” It’s always above us during the day, but we haven’t been able to see it for some time. Enjoy it while you can because sources say the sun will be gone again...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Can you please explain to me the thinking behind headlights that stay on AFTER you've turned the car off? Unless your car is pointed exactly the direction you’re walking in, the lights don’t do you much good. What’s the deal? Picture this. You’re standing outside at night - perhaps you’ve just finished dinner and are waiting for the valet to retrieve your car...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. My husband and I went out to dinner last night. The restaurant was valet only, and it cost $6. We didn’t really mind until we watched the attendant park the car just a few feet from where we were standing. Then, after dinner, we had to give a different valet guy a few dollars for a tip when he retrieved our car. Seems...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. Since hurricane season begins Friday, Dilettante thought it might be time to share the tips that have seen her through various weather “events” over the years. Print this up and tape it to the inside of your bathroom cabinet in case of emergency. - If you are faced with an imminent flood, tornado, hurricane or other natural disaster, the first thing you must...... [continue]

Need to know just a little bit about something? Ask a dilettante. I have to go to a wedding shower this week. It’s the second one this month (two different couples), and in addition to the shower gifts, I'll bring another present to each wedding. All of this shopping is costing me a lot of money, and one of the couples is on their second marriage. At what point can I stop buying my friends...... [continue]